Valentines Day. Who says that this day should be restricted
only to romantic love? No other day can conjure such
powerful imagery of chocolate, flowers, romance and love. It
is a commercially driven day that provokes strongly divided
reactions to the bewildering display of hearts, and starry-eyed
romance. For those in stable, loving relationships, the day
offers a wonderful opportunity to express or reaffirm their
love. For those who are recently bereaved, divorced, or single,
this is a day that can trigger feelings of overwhelming
loneliness and grief.
While Valentine’s Day is merely an arbitrary day that we use
as a light hearted way to express our feelings to our partners,
it is also true that this day sustains the myth that all couples
are happy. With divorce rates where they are in North
America, it is apparent that not all couples are “loving”.
Without intending to bash this “feel-good” day, after all, we
can all benefit from an expression of love, it seems that
Valentines Day may be more widely accepted if it was truly a
day for love. Not just romantic love between couples, but love
in all of its forms.
Many people who find themselves alone on this day, struggle
with past hurts, grief, and feelings of inadequacy. While they
are bombarded with images of happy couples, it is important
that they remember that their identity is not defined by their
relationship status. A person’s worth comes from who they
are, not who they are with. While most would agree that this
is true, it doesn’t dull the inevitable feelings of self-doubt and
inadequacy that arise when besieged by the ubiquitous love
heart at every turn.
So how to deal with with these feelings when colleagues
receive flowers, lovers seem to be everywhere, and romantic
cards take over every store front? While some may choose to
avoid the day by staying at home, or just take steps to avoid
“happy couples”, it seems that a different approach might offer
a more gratifying result.
What about a perspective change? What if we were to adopt
the idea that Valentines Day is not just for couples, but for
everybody? While your friends might be buying flowers for
their partners, consider the people in your world that you love,
and that love you back. Something special for your Mom, a
telephone call to your Dad. Perhaps your daughter would
appreciate flowers as much as any lover would. Maybe
spending the evening with your son watching a hockey game
would be one way to express your particular brand of love.
Random acts of kindness can bring a surprisingly wonderful
sense of well-being.
For those who struggle with this day, it might be helpful to
spend time with friends or family - people with whom you
have already established positive, loving relationships. It
could be a time to focus on what you have, rather than on
what you feel you’re missing. Create new traditions. Invite
your single friends over for dinner, take cookies to your
neighbour who is always there for you, eat chocolate!
As with anything in life, being prepared for a challenging
situation can make all the difference in the world. Don’t let
another Valentines Day sneak up on you and leave you feeling
badly. Take control. Plan how you want to spend it. Plan
how you can create a day that actually makes you feel good.
Incorporate all the normal, healthy coping strategies that are
useful in all situations. Get enough sleep, maintain your
normal routines of diet and regular exercise, draw upon your
inner strengths, and above all, surround yourself with people
who comfort and sustain you.
Valentines Day offers us a unique opportunity to undertake a
new perspective on how we choose to celebrate love. The
traditional approach with flowers, cards, and romance works
beautifully for some. For others, a display of love towards
children, parents, or friends can be equally rewarding. But in
the midst of all the various means of displaying love to others,
let us not forget the benefits of looking after our own needs.
This Valentine’s
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